Dealing with Conflict: Admonishing One Another

When you here the word “admonish”, does that conjure up warm fuzzy feelings or feelings of judgment and condemnation? If you’re like me, it’s the second. But look at the Merriam-Webster definition to the left right here. It talks about admonishment as being gentle, earnest, friendly, encouraging.

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” Col 3:16

Admonishment is something our culture runs from. Partly because we have a bad definition of it in our mind. Partly because we’ve handled admonishment with judgment, arguing, and condemnation. But don’t you really deep down want and need someone who will be gentle, earnest, friendly, encouraging toward you? It’s hard to see in the mirror areas we need to grow in. But we want to grow. We need this kind of grace.

So how do you admonish some?
1. Before you open your mouth to someone else, open your heart to Jesus. Colossians says it starts with letting Christ dwell richly in your heart. Ask Jesus to come into your life and check your heart and motives. Repent of your own sin first. Make sure your motive for wanting to admonish someone is for the right reason, not just to make your life easier. It’s a speck and plank deal first.
2. Be wise with your words. When you admonish someone, this passage tells us that we are to do it with wisdom and a spirit of teaching. It doesn’t say with a spirit of criticism or punishment. Wisdom is required if you want to encourage someone to go further. Teaching doesn’t imply a know-it-all attitude, but a sense of wanting someone to grow in a positive way. Do you have wisdom and want growth?
3. Relationship matters. If you don’t have a good relationship, you shouldn’t get in the admonishment game with someone. This is why small groups are critical. No current relationship=no admonishment.
4. Be very, very careful asking someone who doesn’t believe what you believe to act like you act. First of all, you’re not the model to be emulated. Second, if behavior precedes belief, all you get is false, deadly religion. When a believe admonishes a non-believer, it hardly ever goes well.
5. The purpose of admonishment is to increase faith in Jesus…worship. Look at how the Colossians passage ends. If you admonish someone, the end goal is not better behavior, but bigger worship. The purpose of admonishment is to help someone know, love, and trust Jesus more. Look at at why Jesus admonished the disciples in Luke 8:22-28 and Matthew 16:21-28. It was always to increase faith. If you increase, then behavior works itself out. Seek first then Kingdom of God, then everything else falls into place.

One other thought, the way you receive admonishment will always be a more powerful witness to the work of God in your life, than how you give admonishment. Be humble and repentant. God gives grace to the humble, but he opposes the proud.